Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Letter from Lucifer to Pat Robertson: "Good Work on the Haiti Project!"

Dear Pat,

I must say that I'm pretty impressed by your fine work. At the same time, I'm a little frustrated that you and Rush have managed to one-up me this time. I'm just glad that my friends at the Vatican aren't still editing scripture, because you might take my "son of the morning" title (Isaiah 14:12) due to your nifty work each morning on The 700 Club.

Despite my envy, I have great joy in your success. To think that you have made the slaves of the Haitian past the bad guys brings me great glee! Pat, I can't wait until that day when I shall call you home to me!

That chap whose words we twist, Jesus, told his followers: "In my Father's house are many mansions...I go to prepare a place for you...that where I am, there ye may be also" (John 14:2-3). Likewise my friend, I am preparing a special place for you in our comfy Lake of Fire. You won't have to worry about those cold January nights in Virginia any longer once I call you back to me. I'll turn the heat up mighty high for us.

You know, I agree with those so-called "liberals" who want to keep church and state separate; at least I did, until your presence filled the Earth with my way. Take every opportunity to keep jamming our perverse gospel into America as much as you can. Blur those lines of separation as much as possible! Continue to divide them and use the name of the one "on-high" to divide people, spread wars and hate. When you win these battles, we come closer to winning the war against "good."

I hate to cut things short, but I have to touch base with my other fundamentalist friends. Please send my best to Hannity when you can spare a few moments. I know you have important work to do, so I'll understand if it takes a few days to get to it.

Your Friend in Battle,
Lucifer

23 comments:

  1. January in Virginia Beach isn't THAT cold. I'm from there, I know. I hate going to Chesapeake, because I have to pass his stupid University on the way.

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  2. This is funny, but he doesn't need to STFU. Let's encourage him to keep talking. It only solidifies what an idiot he is and all of his followers. Jeese!

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  3. Love it! He spews shite out of the ass of stupidipity

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  4. Really, could these guys misinterpret the the message of Jesus any more than their first cousins the crazy fundamentalist muslims!?

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  5. Very funny! Great work!
    Definitely, Pat Robertson, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O'Reilly are Satan's little helpers in the media. But, what's with Lucifer liking the separation of church and state? Is that a bad thing or is the devil a do-gooder sometimes? Sorry to be nitpicky. Overall, It's great. Pat Robertson is an idiot.

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  6. Friends, let us not sink to the level of Pat. Jesus did say "Judge not, lest you be judged" (Matt 7:1) as we like to remind the likes of Pat. We too must not judge Pat but pray for him to see the light and repent of his selfish and small-minded attitude that puts right wing politicians and "the right to bear arms" on a pedestal.

    Pat may be deluded and his pronouncements annoying in the extreme - but God does not rejoice over the death (condemnetion) of a sinner, and neither should we. I don't hope that anyone should go to hell - it is made for Satan and his angels - not for man, but Jesus did preach that there will be some who go there.

    Having said that - as John Wesley preacher (I think) that we must plunder hell and populate heaven - and we must pray that Pat Robertson realises the error of his ways and repents.

    Spewing hateful anti PR stuff will not win him over but will only entrench him more as many who think he is wonderful will defend even the undefendable. Let us simply state that we disagree - and then go on to send messages - of "I am praying for you Pat Robertson."

    PS - It has taken a number of days for my anger to subside sufficiently to see this perspective so I am not saying your anger is unjustified - just reflecting that it may not be productive.

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  7. Pat judges everyone, maybe you should send him the Matt. 7:1 scripture just to remind him. With idiots like Pat,Oral,Jerry and the rest of the religious right in, or going to heaven, I would rather go to the other place...It seems that there are nothing but bigoted bloated idiots in heaven and heaven with its streets of gold just is not that attractive

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  8. @Kenny - the point is - if they go to heaven, they will have all these annoying imperfections removed. Just because another person behaves badly doesn't mean you have to sink to their level of behaviour.

    I think that many a Christian has written t0 Pat to read Matt 7:1.

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. I removed my post because your not ready for the truth Pat Robertson.. so STFU!

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  11. will u be my friend in "ROBERVILLE"?its really fun u 1st must have concieved a child out of wedlock,2nd must have squandered a gaziollon $$$$$$$$$from my releatives or anybody elses 3rd, we require 30% of ur annual income, and 3rd u mst have HAD tammy sue baker, if u qualify, please go to our website @ monster.com

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  12. I think it's offensive to think that Satan would even speak to such a turd like Pat Robertson.

    Satan is way too cool to be praising Pat Robertson. That's the only issue I have with this.

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  13. So Pat, abundant sin seems to be the portrayal of the people of Haiti; as if God turned from the sin of other nations and punished these specifically. The Truth would be heard if we saw that God does all things, but if free will must be the capitol head of the serpent’s doctrine, then the laughter of devils will soothe the children as it always has; and you who make God a punisher of those He loves, say also that He hates no one. In this, I find more errors than words and a mixture that corrupts the great truth of His predestination of the Beloved. “What mixture”??
    All corrupt doctrine has a base of free will, (every man shall die for his own sin) and so whatever is added in becomes corrupted. In the case of you and Jerry Falwell, proclaiming God’s Wrath upon His Own Children, sending them into hell if they do not, ‘Accept Sacrifice’, and not clearing up the facts that all men are not His beloved, you put no difference between people chosen of God and those not. But that all can seek God equally, so if some seek Him not, and the sin escalates, God punishes them before their time.

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  14. The Doctrine of the Scriptures which scream, ‘death to self’, and ‘daily resurrection’, lay in waste the base of free will; things I will never notice of any free will proposer, nor indeed can even receive a response.
    Can a prophet speak for God, the words of his own imagination?? Is imagination simply interpretable?? I know that the girl on Fifth Element spoke in better tongues than I have ever witnessed by a Charismatic, and I know adultery of religion is a worse crime than witchcraft.
    So if I may, let me speak boldly here and place God’s Word as short as is possible to attribute Him Glory by your kind’s hate of my doctrine, yet you bring a paradox inside a paradox because the world is supposed to hate sound doctrine and love a lie, but even your own hate you for what you say about things.

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  15. No man sinneth not {1rst Kings 8:46}
    All nations will be gathered to the feast of God {Revelation 19:17} {Jeremiah 25: 26,27,28}
    Those taken first are brought to burn at this feast!! {Matthew 13:30} {Luke 13:37}
    The two witnesses are the Church {Revelation 11:9} {Jeremiah 25:33}

    All your doctrines of free will, pre trib, and post establishment of literal Israel are wrong and Haiti is not now singled out to be punished ahead of time. The just and the unjust are rained upon the same, and God can have even His Own destroyed at any time He wants to. Communist China has a massive population where I can walk from one end to the other and not find a Bible for sale because they have considered the Christian God a fable that corrupts the people. Yet the slaves who are there under that rule and provide our goods here in America are not near enough to our sight to call them our own, But God does!! Wasn’t it just less than one half century before that we fought Communism?? Now we sleep in their beds. I’m pretty sure the forty thousand teenagers who gave their lives appreciate their names etched on that wall.

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  16. If I carry a Bible down a street in Afghanistan I will most likely not see the end of it. If I walk down a street in Harlem with a watch on, time me till it’s off my wrist. Sure these are nations that are under the wrath of God, but all nations are. There is no present national selective punishment issued from God. All nations will drink from the cup of the fierce wrath of God on that day. This is not that day. God is with the loved man who is taken up in the tornado, and not just as the selfish unloved soul when he comes on T.V. and says, “God was with me”, “but not my neighbor”!! This is this day; where God counts up the sins of the world and is preparing to destroy everyone here except His beloved, yet you say His wrath is now in selective service and His Angels are sent forth now as the destroyers.

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  17. If so, then why do we not get our hurricane that kills 500000?? If you’re going to speak for God then tell us that God loves His Elect but that He wills for even us to be destroyed by the multitudes by evil men, such as has been recorded by Jesus when He said that many of us, the Church, would be taken and killed by wicked men who thought to do God service, and to Paul, “Come I’ll show you great things which ye shall suffer for Me”. Tell us that Pat, and pretend for a moment you know something about God doing everything, and show us in Scripture where the lightning bolts report to God for Duty. Re establish the fear of God outside of your perverted free will doctrine which suggests that men are loved of God yet thrown into hell, as to say God has no hate but uses punishment to make Him guiltless, instead of His Own Majestic Being which set up all councils and put the basest of men on the leadership of those He set up here on earth. Say to us that Whom He did foreknow He loved with an everlasting love regardless of our decisions, but that He made a Promise to keep a seed alive, and please Pat, explain how millions were hardened by God to serve His purpose, and if you may, preach to us how Jerusalem was birthed and filthy in her own blood who none would wash, and God picked up the woman child who is the mother of the beloved, in the wasted field where men would pass by her, and washed her and made her live. Where He dressed her and filled her portions with high and mighty things of God, adorning her as a bride in whom He was preparing. We’ll listen, especially when you tell us that it is not of ourselves, but by His Grace He reached all the way past the cross to make certain that we who were loved were spoken to by some stranger who filled our ears with truth, when we were dead in sin.
    It won’t offend us if you explain how dark we are and how we cannot know God. The words of His seeking us till we are found are really what we are begging to hear, and only this because God Lives in dead men to make them alive.
    When Paul taught on these things; near the whole Gentile town showed up the next week to hear it, because in their heart of hearts they knew they were not good people or could ever be good people. If there is to be an alarm sounded, then sound this one; that ‘None Seek God’. The greatest act of a man is to behold God for Who He is. This is not possible, and you prove it, so God secretly makes bodies come alive so that they can.

    And if you need a new career, I can show you how to build cabinets, but for now, stay out of the prophesy business.

    Grace and truth,
    blane

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  18. The Truth About Pat Robertson’s Remarks on The Haiti Curse After The Earthquake
    http://newsflavor.com/opinions/the-truth-about-pat-robertsons-remarks-on-the-haiti-curse-after-the-earthquake/

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  19. Too many "prophets" and not enough listeners. Pat Robertson does not live the life of a prophet that he should be esteemed a prophet. As a matter of fact, if a prophet spoke to Pat Robertson, he would probably call for that prophet's assassination. Pat is an extremist jerk, just like the rest of the fundamentalist Boy's Club.

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